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November 05, 2008

Wrapping It Up, Onion-Style

Michael Blowhard writes:

Dear Blowhards --

The Onion offers the definitive word on last night's events. One of many funny and apt passages:

Obama did especially well among women and young voters, who polls showed were particularly sensitive to the current climate of everything being fucked.



posted by Michael at November 5, 2008


Well, I didn't vote for him but it's not a bad thing to see a black man as president. Also interesting, it was hard for me to explain to my teenagers just how momentous this change is. They don't see the big deal, which is another victory.

Posted by: Todd Fletcher on November 5, 2008 2:49 PM

As a young'n, as a visual artist, and as someone pretty detached from politics, it didn't really occur to me what a huge deal this was either until I saw this great illustration:

Posted by: Jonathan Schnapp on November 5, 2008 4:02 PM

Setting aside race, I'm just happy that our next president won't be a boomer who came of age in the '60s. Goodbye to all that.

Posted by: Steve on November 5, 2008 4:37 PM

Certainly my favorite Churchill quote is apropos here:

"Americans can always be counted on to do the right thing, after they have exhausted all other possibilities."

Posted by: Steve on November 5, 2008 4:47 PM

Thank God there are a bunch of countries that won't be able to hate us, for the space of at least four years -- provided he doesn't honor his pledge to invade Pakistan when we have bin Laden in our sights.

Posted by: Lester Hunt on November 5, 2008 5:32 PM

Relax. All that happened is we will get a different flavor kool-aid. The trick is to stop drinking the damned stuff.

Posted by: Charlton Griffin on November 5, 2008 6:58 PM

Think last night was bad. In fact, I believe it signals a sort of oncoming apocalypse.

Posted by: larry on November 5, 2008 10:47 PM

I've got a question about the outcome. It has been treated by Obama and others as some great rights triumph - a new day -- especially for the downtrodden.

Now, before Bush, we had eight years of Clinton. After that, we had Bush who never took away the rights we had under Clinton. (Those rights under the Patriot Act being excluded since they have less effect on the lives of most -- no excuses, I hate Bush, too -- but I am assuming we can agree the Patriot Act would not affect jobs, education, ect..) So what exactly is Obama suppose to bring about? Is there something beyond getting us all the Democratic-Congressman Mortgage-Special Offer that this was all about, if so what? Obama travels around in a rhetorical hot air balloon. It would be nice to know what message should be written on the outside of it.


Posted by: sN on November 6, 2008 2:29 AM

Two of the women who work for me were discussing this yesterday morning. One said "the graduation rate in NY schools is going to go way up". The other agreed, saying "I'm telling my son he's got no excuse not to try to make something of himself". Both these women have kids in middle school and high school, and they see this election as a life-transforming event for their children, no matter what Obama does in office. Obama - the ultimate role model.

Posted by: Julie Brook on November 6, 2008 9:32 AM

I, for one, congratulate Obama and his Teleprompter and wish them nothing but success.

Posted by: beloml on November 6, 2008 1:22 PM

Two of the women who work for me were discussing this yesterday morning. One said "the graduation rate in NY schools is going to go way up". The other agreed, saying "I'm telling my son he's got no excuse not to try to make something of himself".

That'll last for a few months until the reality of hard work sets in. Achievers don't run on emotion or role models. Just steady, hard work. You won't see much of that from a politician, because politicians don't work hard. They just steal money from those who do.

As long as affirmative action is in place, there's no reason for minorities to work hard, because they don't compete for what they get-its handed to them. Isn't that the morally debilitating effect of "welfare" that we always hear about?

Obama - the ultimate role model.

Yeah, he's the ultimate role model in my book. A guy who's spent more time running for office than "serving" his constituents, an anti-white bigot, habitual liar (like all politicians), etc.

The truth about this election is that Obama was slated to be the president by the powers that be. The people who really run things don't run for office--they just buy the people who do. That way their power is never really challenged, and we regular Joes continue to blame the guy in office, kick him out, and then scratch our heads when the next loser gets in and continues the nonsense.

Super-rich white men run this country, Europe, and most of the world. They know darn good and well what putting a black man in charge of the country says to the regular white guy (and black guy too). My question is why was he selected by them to be president? Any mope can lie to the public and do the wealthy's bidding. Why this guy?

This election was all about race, and stoking racial animosity. Rather than "healing", like the worthless idiots in the press talk about, this presidency will be all about racial grievenaces, real and imagined. And this guy will be used to create strong divisions and conflicts in this country while we go into an economic depression. The racial problem just got raised by an order of magnitude. And this time the white women will get the sharp end of the stick too, as your preferences are phased out. We'll see how well that liberalism holds up when that happens.

The ultimate goal is to create an even stronger police state to deal with the huge increases in crime and violence, and to push white people into right-wing fascism. Obama will be used to steal whatever wealth is left from the white middle class, open the borders and replace white workers even further, and ride slavery and Jim Crow like you've never seen before. You watch and see if I'm right.

The only people who pose andy kind of real challenge to the elite's power is white middle class of the US. That's why they are attacking and destroying it economically, socially, and culturally. By the end we will have totalitarianism, with people willing to commit the most heinous acts for a wage and a meal. Goodbye freedom, goodbye America. It was nice while it lasted.

Posted by: BIOH on November 6, 2008 1:23 PM


As usual, South Park beat everybody to the punch when it comes to hatching conspiracy theories about the election.

I won't ruin the fun by telling you what the kids had to say.

Just watch the new South Park episode. It was all a giant conspiracy!

Posted by: Shouting Thomas on November 6, 2008 5:47 PM

Hey, ST,

Stalin said that its not the people who vote that count, but the one who counts the votes that has the power.

I find it fascinating that the average voter trusts the one-party system to accurately count their votes--as if the little sheep should run the country! You'd think that people would have figured it out, now that they are about $700 billion lighter. Not so.

The truth is that you have absolutely no clue whether or not your vote was counted accurately, or even counted at all. Show me that statement is not true.

I don't watch TV, and I certainly don't tune into cartoons to tell me what reality is. A better take on the situation can be seen at Watch a little there and see if you think TV cartoons are reality.

Good luck to those who think they run the country. We'll see how you think about that in another couple of years or so.

Posted by: BIOH on November 8, 2008 2:54 PM

"I find it fascinating that the average voter trusts the one-party system to accurately count their votes"

Boy, you're on to something there. Thank goodness you're here, now, to mention that there might be a problem with the way we vote in this country.

Not sure exactly what makes you think the "average voter" trusts that votes are being counted accurately. Any data on that?

Posted by: i, squub on November 8, 2008 11:28 PM

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