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April 11, 2007

Women, Men, Dating

Michael Blowhard writes:

Dear Blowhards --

Steve thinks that women in search of mates shouldn't spend so much on shoes. Tyler wonders why some women go for cads. The Communicatrix has some sensible tips for daters.



posted by Michael at April 11, 2007


While the purchases seem superfluous to men (or rather, to Sailer), such extravagances as manicures might make women feel better about themselves, which would make them more attractive to others in the big picture.

Posted by: James M. on April 11, 2007 4:49 PM

[Well here's hoping. There are a number of links and it would be much easier to edit if there was a preview. Oh well.]

Posted by: dougjnn on April 11, 2007 5:32 PM


Ok, this isn’t exactly on point re: this short dating post, but it gives me a bare excuse to share this with you and your readers.

You’ve blogged about your wife writing female erotica and about you and she writing some together as well.

I’ve got some female sex blog sites for you that are not only often really erotic in ways I think erotica hungry women especially will like, they’re TRUE stories. Or at least purport to be and since the purpose seems to be to anonymously share with a sizeable group of readers and a few regular commenters, parts of their lives that they can’t or are reluctant to talk about with many (or sometimes any) real life friends, I think they probably are true or only a bit embellished – depending on the blog. The ones I like most have spare and confessional writing that’s not only about the good. But there’s plenty of hot good. This is all brand new to me (as distinct from internet porn fiction).

Ok, for just amazing all out female stud achievement, by a girl who really does seem to have a golden heart despite her wake of arching hearts not to mention awe inspiring sexual appetite, there’s “Jane’s” blog fallen girl falling. She’s I think a Manhattan art gallery or museum worker by day and a part time and really upper end independent escort some nights and afternoons, with various fuck buddies and sorta and sometimes real boyfriends as well, who don’t know (with one exception, the actor f.buddy), but who all know she can get away with about anything.

Anyone interested in checking her needs to get a move on. She said at the end of March after an extended absence that she’ll be taking her whole archives down soon. It’s about protecting someone. This girl is fun. She can write. Starting from the blog beginning in May 2006 will be the most fun.

Another female sex blogger who writes really well, is so far just beginning paid sex, and is at another level of the trade. She’s a mid level call girl in the Midwest but is brainstorming about moving up with less frequent but higher paying travel escorting or something. (Her location has it’s limitations.) Web marketing seems to be what all these blogging sex workers in the know do. No leaching agencies (not to mention pimps) for them.

She started her blog four months ago, a few days before going on her first paid date. In fact we learn later on that though she took on part time, low volume, call girling mostly for the cash to supplement her and her husband’s arts entrepreneurial businesses of some sort, she also thought it would give her interesting material to write about. Adventures in harlotry had been something she’d thought about approximately forever. Sold middle class family background. She turned her first off the cuff trick in 10th grade by offering to let a 30yo guy she knew and sorta dug, who I think had just gotten divorced, do her for $100. He hooked her up with some of his friends from time to time. She liked older guys then since the ones her age were so lame, and hey, if they wanted to pay her why not get the cash too?

She also seems to have wanted to further spice up her sex life, by developing some regulars with chemistry that the sex was good with. You know, since her sex life, which includes her dom Lover in some other city, another “big city” lover (who’s black), and various mostly musician ex short time boyfriends who keep cycling back in as lovers from time to time, is otherwise so hum drum. Oh, her husband, over whom she’s mildly dominant and who she says she really is lifetime committed to, doesn’t know but does know she “can’t be completely monogamous” because she finally told him so a year or two ago after cheating her whole marriage. He doesn’t want her to leave him. He still knows very little and seems to want to keep it that way. how about now?. Again reading the archives from the beginning is the way to go.

Finally for now, here’s an early 30s girl who’s every bit as hyper sexual and as much a sexual adventuress as the two above, but isn’t doing any part of it for cash. Instead she’s just happily and voraciously cheating on her husband of ten or so years, with whom it seems she actually has really good sex a lot of the time. Just not enough, or enough variety, for her. She’s simply insatiable and happily and excitingly shares her adventures with her readers and an admiring circle of regular commenters.

She’s an American (prob. diplomatic family, or maybe higher level military, lots of overseas living and moving as a kid) living somewhere in Europe where she can bicycle happily to her part time work. I’d guess Brussels or the Hague. It seems amazing that her husband, who travels a lot, never knows or suspects, given all the risks she seems to find it thrilling to take, and occasional whip marks and fields of hickeys or her back and the like, but apparently he doesn’t. One wonders… The Harlot’s Progress. Again, the beginning of the archive is where I’d start. None of these are all that long.

I guess a lot of stuff like this has always gone on, but now we get to read about it from an inside, telling secrets to close and approving friends, this is what’s really going on in her hypersexual mind, point of view. Phew.

Really makes me wonder whether being a male is the best “choice” these days.

Posted by: dougjnn on April 11, 2007 5:34 PM

Doug, I'd bet a lot of money those blogs are fiction, which is fine, but please don't get caught up in the alleged veracity of it all. Every blog of this type I've come across has, ultimately, turned out to be fiction, the most famous of which was belledejour/ Great, sexy writing, but fiction.

Also, I believe these blogs play into the male fantasy of women as purely sexual creatures. Hey, as a male, I've got that fantasy myself, but you'd be hard-pressed to find happy prostitutes.

Posted by: the patriarch on April 11, 2007 6:42 PM

Well, um, mine's real. And I was a happy whore.

That said, I do think it's fair to say that the overwhelming majority of prostitutes are unhappy. In fact, one of the reasons I made my blog invitation-only (it was invitation-only for a while) was because I felt responsible for deluding women into believing that my experience was representative of the majority. I'm a commitmentphobe and I seem to enjoy sex more than most, so I'm well-suited. I also leveraged an environment that could satisfy my needs on my terms. I was lucky. I was unusually, exceptionally, freakishly lucky.

Last thing: some blogs do play to the male fantasy of women as purely sexual creatures. But you need to recognize that some women actually enjoy being such sexual creatures. The question is whether a woman is locked into this role against her will, or whether she's able to define her own boundaires.

I think it's wise to question the veracity of certain blogs, but the fictitious writing is usually self-evident. What you might miss is how valuable a resource blogging is to an actual escort, or any woman who lives a double life. She needs an expressive release - I did... I still do. So while it's likely that many are fake, it's equally likely that many are real.

A friend just referred me to this post. I'm glad I followed it through.


PS - Thank you for the kind words, Doug.

Posted by: jane on April 11, 2007 10:23 PM


Yeah I know something of the belle de jour case.

Have you actually read much, say more than 20, of the posts at the sites I linked?

Read the ones I link (though your collective blog formatting makes it VERY hard to see the links, which you guys SHOULD FIX).

I don't think any of the girls/women I'm linking here are writing fiction. I'm sure many other female or purportedly female bloggers do. But I can also see that women working in this area want to spill and share (as women tend to want to do) and that some of the smartest and most writerly inclined would want to spill and share on this still farily new an burgeoning blog phenomenon. Since about 2004 your no longer had to have nerd skills or want to pay for them, to start a blog. Over the past couple of years it's exploded. That smart and writerly harlots who can't spill under their real names with real friends much at all feel a great desire to on the web makes all the sense in the world to me, knowing whatever I do, little or much, about women.

So, I think you're basically wrong.

I have some independent knowledge about Jane, from and ex high end escort now in a committed relationship to someone, who I've become new email friends with. Surprised me. I wrote a really long and involved and I'd like to think perceptive comment on her blog. She erased it and asked me to email her. We've been emailing ever since. If she's trying to recruit me (and she's very far away) which makes no sense in terms of everything on her blog, she sure is investing a lot of time and thought into doing it. We're just trading ideas and experiences and kinda click. Is this fun and unexpected? Yeah.

Posted by: dougjnn on April 11, 2007 10:44 PM

Wow. I can’t believe Jane saw this and commented here. I thought I might actually send an email to the three I linked telling them I wrote of them here, since this is a fairly high volume site, but I hadn’t yet, and jane’s actually kind of incommunicado these days, though she did respond to an email I sent her. Actually I can believe it. I makes perfect sense that Jane reads Michael’s blog.

Jane is fashion model beautiful (she doesn’t says so or supply pics but I’ve learned so and you can figure it out if you read her blog) and was in fact in NYC model for a while, highly intelligent, well educated, sexually voracious and mega fun.

Something else. I don’t actually know that much but even if I did I wouldn’t say much. As of early this year jane was engaged (that much is on her bog but nothing about him anymore, she took it all down) to a man she really, really clicks with, who she met through work, who’s beyond rich. Hence she’s an ex courtesan. Hence she’s gone into radio silence. My friend told me. Enough.

Posted by: dougjnn on April 11, 2007 11:26 PM

One other thing.

All three I linked are real. I'm sure of it, as a life long skeptic.

Check them before your spout.

Posted by: dougjnn on April 12, 2007 12:15 AM


Doug, I'd bet a lot of money those blogs are fiction, which is fine,

You really want to lose a lot of money?

Focus on the one's I linked.

As Jane said, it's actually pretty easy to tell the ones that are false or heavily false. The false ones, who knows? there could be massive hiding, or the whole think could be rubbish or whatever. I don't go there. I go to links from what feels definitely real, and then apply a sniff test. Got no time for the "might well be bullshit". Too much real out there.

And too much else to do beyond this brand new thrill as well. ;-)

Posted by: dougjnn on April 12, 2007 12:29 AM

I admit, I haven't read any of those links as I'm at work. I was merely going on past experience, but hey, if Jane says she's real outside her blog, I believe her. More power to her for writing about it.

Posted by: the patriarch on April 12, 2007 10:13 AM

Michael - you out there?

Posted by: dougjnn on April 13, 2007 11:28 AM

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