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October 07, 2006

Films for Men

Michael Blowhard writes:

Dear Blowhards --

I found Jeremy Knox's annotated "Top Ten Movies for Men" true to the Testosterone Within, as well as pretty fuckin' funny. "Fuckin'" is key, btw. Real men say "fuckin'" a lot.

Nice passage:

Women have never been able to accept that guys do stupid things. They've tried for centuries to reign in that mad energy and they've never been able to. Feminists say that women can do anything a man can do. Fine ... let's see Gloria Steinheim drive her car while lying on the hood and having to reach inside the car with her right arm to steer (after she flicked on the cruise control of course). No. Only men can do, and think up, shit like this. Women think it's crazy, men think its fun ...

All real men are nihilists. We don't have causes and we don't believe in the future that will never come. If we fight it's only to show off how tough we are. Women plan for tomorrow, men blow shit up today!

Cojones-clacking Real Men struggle with the apostrophe-thang occasionally too.



posted by Michael at October 7, 2006


The list is deficient in the "Animal House" area.

Posted by: John Emerson on October 8, 2006 9:26 AM

That's a good fuckin' list.

I'd put a few different movies on there.

The Wild Bunch. "Let's go." "Why not?" The perfect "blow shit up because that is what men do" conversation. A movie no adult human female has ever liked or will ever understand.

Bullitt. McQueen at his best.

The Vikings. "Odin!"

Yes, Animal House. "Hey, you trusted us, you fucked up."

Glengarry Glen Ross. "A steak knife set."

There is a lot of room for dispute to get it down to ten.

Posted by: Lexington Green on October 8, 2006 3:15 PM

What! No William Holden films? "The Bridge Over the River Kwai" is indisputably a man's film. Maybe the best ever made.

Posted by: Charlton Griffin on October 8, 2006 6:26 PM

Here's the real list:

10. Inidana Jones and the Last Crusade
9. The Great Escape
8. Dirty Harry
7. Braveheart
6. The Godfather
5. Rollerball
4. The Quiet Man
3. The Dirty Dozen
2. Once Upon a Time in the West
1. Goodfellas


(Whew... That was tough.)

Posted by: Joe Moran on October 8, 2006 6:58 PM

Figures that Fight Club would be on the list. I found it utterly unwatchable crap. Does that make me not a real man?

Posted by: Peter on October 8, 2006 9:14 PM

I think that what most characterizes the chick flick is not the absence of car chases so much as it is the constant, minute, obsessive concern each character displays for what the other characters are thinking and feeling. For a guy, this kind of thing becomes oppressive quickly. Can you imagine a version of The Right Stuff produced for the Oxygen Network? The Chuck Yeager character would refuse to wear his new G-suit to the party because Scott Crossfield had one just like it. OK, I am exaggerating but not much.

Plenty of good men's films out there. How about "Breaker Morant"? Wretchard was just talking about that story. Those guys were real men. And "High Noon" and "The Battle of Britain". Also, don't forget comedy. Any movie featuring Rodney Dangerfield or the Three Stooges is a men's film.

And I don't get the notion that "guys do stupid things." Since when is courage stupid? If you make jokes about women shopping you get called a sexist, but somehow it's OK to denigrate men for taking risks. If we as a society want men to take risks in important activities such as war and business we are going to have to accept some level of recreational risk-taking by men. To characterize men as nihilists shows profound lack of insight. Men often take serious risks precisely because they are thinking ahead.

Posted by: Jonathan on October 8, 2006 10:25 PM

"Fight Club touches upon the fear of women and the fear of responsibility in the most realistic way I've ever seen."

This is key. And it's a lot closer to the truth about men than the statement that: "All men are nihilists."

It's not that men are nihilists. It's that they fear responsibility. Woman is the great test precisely because she embodies reality/responsibility. And she is feared for that reason.

Erratic behavior on the part of men, which may appear to be nihilistic and can in fact be quite destructive, is often their way of resisting the harness. That many men eventually take on responsibility doesn't mean that it comes natural (as it does, or seems to do, for most women).

Posted by: ricpic on October 8, 2006 10:52 PM

Easy Money. That should be on this and that other list of Michael's. One of the funniest movies ever.

And very nice observation, ricpic. That's pretty much it.

Posted by: the patriarch on October 9, 2006 2:45 AM

And the reign/rein-thang.

Posted by: Tim B. on October 9, 2006 10:27 AM

It's one of the regrets of my adult life that I do sometimes say "fucking". I wish I could restrict myself to my father's "bloody" and "bugger".

Posted by: dearieme on October 9, 2006 3:55 PM

What? Not one Paul Newwman movie in the Top Ten?
Not even Cool Hand Luke? Yeah, yeah, the women love Paul Newman. But before the egg-eating contest is over, they've mostly peeled away.

Or Slap Shot? Never knew a woman who could make it through this movie, even ones who adored Paul Newman.

Posted by: DarkoV on October 9, 2006 3:57 PM

What gets me is that you find a man who's smart, evolved, kinda sensitive (hey, like most of the guys here), and he *still* likes movies in which things blow up. Gotta be genetic.

Posted by: missgrundy on October 9, 2006 6:49 PM

What happened to "Die Hard"? And John Wayne? And Steven Seagal? I know those are "guy films" because---other than "Die Hard", which I loved---I can't sit through them.

BTW---I don't think "Bridge on the River Kwai" counts, because I liked it a lot. And "Cool Hand Luke" really isn't as "guy" as "Hud." And what happened to the spiritual handbook for men---"The Godfather"? Remember Tom Hanks in "You've Got Mail" (probably not, as that's a chick flick). But he said "The Godfather" answers all questions for men. Like for example...

Q. What day of the week is it?
A. Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Wednesday...

Q. What should we take on vacation?
A. Leave the gun, take the cannoli.

Posted by: annette on October 10, 2006 10:25 AM

How could The Bridge on the River Kwai not be a man's film? POW camps, people getting stabbed, shot, tortured, AND blown up. Huge explosion with train full of Japanese going up. The only babes in the film are there to fulfill Holden's sexual needs AND to carry stuff through the jungle! Come on! Feminists have everything to hate about this one. This is THE man's film. The reason some women also like it is because it also happens to be one of the greatest movies ever made, regardless of subject.

Posted by: Charlton Griffin on October 10, 2006 3:25 PM

(With apologies for any (fuckin') offense caused...)

>>This is my list of the top 10 movies that appeal to only the manliest men. No turtlenecks and metrosexuality here...

Conan - you cannot be fuckin' serious.
1) The guy's a dumb fuck.
2) Anyone that ripped has to be gay anyhow ?
3) What's with this fuckin' destroyer thing, anyhow ?
Real men know DIY. Look at Jackie Chan: beat the shit out of dozen guys using an aluminum folding fuckin' ladder (First Strike). There's a guy that knows his shit.

Road Warrior - you're shittin' me.
Mad Max fuckin' rocked - and was basically DIY (see above), as it was filmed for about $1m.
But sequels, please - they're for fuckin' pussies.

Blade Runner
Fuckin' A !

Fuckin' A-double+ !!

Fight Club ??
Featuring a guy with breasts ?
No fuckin' way.
Some decent fights, but dumb fuckin' plot.

Jackass ???
Fuck the fuck off.
Jackie Chan's out-takes do the same thing, but a decade or so earlier, probably better, and don't waste a whole fuckin' movie.

Rambo ??
Ripped guy with a headband ? Named after a goddam French poet ?
...Probably getting it on with Conan (see above).

Escape from New York ?
Concept OK, but please.
>>...Says it like a man... Think he was fuckin' Scaramouche or something ?

Enter the Dragon
That oriental shit is way over my fuckin' head.
What the fuck's wrong with Chuck Norris ?
Or Jackie Chan ???

James Bond >>(Any)
Fuck "any".
Sure, Sean is cool most times, Piers has a couple of moments, and Roger a couple a microseconds, but there is some lame shit in there too.
And any Bond wearing a toupe can fuck the fuck off.

Posted by: Nigel on October 10, 2006 4:17 PM

- Predator - "I ain't got time to bleed."
- Lord of the Rings (the only two women in there are elves, and one thinks her human boy-toy is so hot she gives up eternal life for him - total guy fantasy)
- The 13th Warrior - all Vikings all the time (well, and one Arab)
- John Carpenter's The Thing - "I dunno what the hell's in there, but it's weird and pissed off, whatever it is."

Posted by: Yahmdallah on October 10, 2006 6:25 PM

"Fight Club." Props to them for including at least one from a gay author (Chuck Palahniuk).

Posted by: Spungen on October 11, 2006 2:26 AM

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