Friedrich --

Many postings ago (here), in the midst of wondering out loud about women and their relationship to baked goods, I mentioned a woman anthropologist who'd studied food and sex across many cultures and who'd come to an interesting conclusion about the sexes. After all the study, she now believed that, if all other variables could be held constant, women would spend most of their time searching for food while men would spend most of their time looking for sex.

The other day, I noticed a report on a sociological study. While I forget where this report appeared, I did copy and paste a passage summarizing the study's findings, which go like this:

Women think what they eat is more important to their personal wellbeing than their sex life. Seventy-nine per cent said their diet was the key to their happiness.

Imagine! What apparently lies underneath a woman's fussing and feeding is ... well, apparently not the hot-to-trot tramp we guys like to imagine when we try to have a go at her, but instead a creature who'd really like to do a little more fussing and feeding.

Impartial, in-depth student of the sexes that I am, I polled two women for their reaction to these facts.

The Wife said, "Well, of course it's true. The challenge for you when you want to initiate sex is basically to get my mind off food. Now, pass me that plate of oatmeal cookies."

Another, my former tennis partner, wrote me an email saying, "Not surprising in the least. I think that for myself. In fact, I just made a humongous pot of chicken chili. Yum yum."

Best, if with badly battered ego,

Michael

Speaking as a woman who both eats and has sex, I can tell you that I spend more time eating simply because good food is so easy to find.

Men are less picky about what they eat, and uh, you know... also.

Posted by: j.c. on February 13, 2003 4:20 PM

The pleasure of a cookie can be counted on. A man, maybe not. OK, probably not.

Posted by: Michael Blowhard on February 13, 2003 4:35 PM

Now that's the answer to a question I didn't necessarily want asked.

Posted by: Scott Chaffin on February 13, 2003 7:44 PM

Like I always told my husband in our younger days, "Food first, sex later!" Now it's mostly just food.

Posted by: Alexandra on February 13, 2003 10:11 PM

Great essay. Do you suppose this means that the my favorite pick-up line from the old days ("I've got something tasty for you RIGHT HERE") has some mileage left in it after all?

Posted by: Bill Clinton on February 14, 2003 11:27 AM

Please disregard the previous comment, which was obviously written by an imposter. Anyone who knows me from the old days knows that what I actually would have said would have been something more like "Hey Darlin'--if you're tummy's grumblin I've got something mighty tasty for you RIGHT HERE"

Posted by: The Real Bill Clinton on February 14, 2003 11:43 AM

One more thing before we leave the topics of food and sex behind--I am reminded of a joke. So this one day Monica walks into her dry cleaners and tells the owner: "I've got another dress for you to clean." The proprietor, quite hard of hearing, replies "Come again?" And Monica said "No, it's horseradish."

Posted by: Bill Clinton on February 14, 2003 11:59 AM

It is not surprising that women have this attitude, seeing that their collective sex drives hover either at or on zero, and that men have collectively high sex drives. Couples have a tacit agreement: The WOMAN says: my sex drive is near zero, and I like it that way. Your (the MAN)'s sex drive is , of course, off the scale. I, the WOMAN, don't particularly care about your , the MAN's, sexual needs, but you, the MAN, had better be utterly monogamous, at ALL times, and maybe,just, MAYBE, I'll pretend to be interested, and toss you a bone once in a while.

Posted by: Michael Serafin on February 14, 2003 2:17 PM

Hey, women don't exist to turn us on -- we exist to make sure they get fed.

Not that any of us guys are bitter or disappointed to have made this discovery ...

Posted by: Michael Blowhard on February 14, 2003 3:40 PM

"The pleasure of a cookie can be counted on"- Michael Blowhard

That's right, so men should choose their cookies wisely.

"It is not surprising that women have this attitude, seeing that their collective sex drives hover either at or on zero, and that men have collectively high sex drives."- Michael Serafin

(Chokes on her coffee)

"Hey, women don't exist to turn us on -- we exist to make sure they get fed."- M. Blowhard again

.... guys, guys, visit me! Soon! Please!

Alice (a bit bored lately)

Posted by: Alice Bachini on February 15, 2003 6:42 AM

Michael Serafin, you've obviously been hanging out with the wrong women, or you would know better than to say something silly like, "their collective sex drives hover either at or on zero".

Now, where'd I hide those pretzels...?

Posted by: Sasha Castel on February 15, 2003 10:18 AM

Ah,ladies, I knew my comments would make some of you don full-battle gear! Unfortunately, the only places that female sexuality makes itself fully known is in erotic fiction and erotic film. Not in real life. You don't get delightful glimpses of nude women walking in front of uncurtained home and apartment windows in real life, like you do in film and novels. Nor are they provocatively enticing you into their homes for delightful naked romps in the middle of the afternoon!

Posted by: Michael Serafin on February 15, 2003 12:33 PM

Mr Serafin,

You really aren't meeting the right women. Well, you haven't been up to now, at least.

Posted by: Alice Bachini on February 15, 2003 12:55 PM

Hey Alice, No fair using this posting to drum up lots of traffic for your site. ... Wait, what am I saying? Please, go right ahead.

Hey everyone -- Why all the comments here? Doesn't anyone have anything to say about Impressionism? Bruce LaBruce? Especially Bruce LaBruce? Let's hear from those fans of Extreme Camp.

Posted by: michael@2blowhards.com on February 15, 2003 1:26 PM

Wow. I'm in shock. Maybe if you guys spent more time talking to living women and less time blowing hot air up each other's asses... Well, all I can say is that the only women I know who prefer food to sex are newly breastfeeding moms. I mean, you can have protein shots with your sex if you want and you can have orgasms with your cucumbers if you... Um, oops, tmi.

Thank our libertarian parent for my presence here -- she's drumming up traffic to your site as well. :)

Posted by: Dawn on February 15, 2003 1:58 PM

A woman's life is full of frustration. The two most pleasurable activities - eating and sex - will both make you fat if you're not careful.

If reproduction is the primary drive of all living things then it makes sense that food is more important to women. The more sex a man has the better chance he has of passing on his genes. This is not true for a woman. A woman's best strategy for passing on her genes is insuring the health and well being of her offspring.

To Michael Serafin: If all the women you meet seem to have a sex drive at or near zero maybe it's just you.

Posted by: Lynn S on February 16, 2003 1:57 PM

Actually, I have a long-time delightful girlfriend who is not as libidinous as I'd like her to be. I daresay most men would say the same thing about the women in their lives.

Posted by: Michael Serafin on February 16, 2003 6:54 PM

Michael, I'm telling ya, ya can't win this one here. Give it up now.

Get into the kitchen and learn to make dreamy French dishes, and spicy Tex-Mex, and creamy baked goods. The worst that can happen is she'll think you're an even greater guy than she already does. And you'll have a, um, transferrable skill.

Dawn, you crack me up...I would wager that most men's problems with the female sexuality dealio Michael brings up are not related to "talking to live women." Except for when their POSSLQ finds out about it.

Sorry, Michael, when I think about sex and food, I don't want Bruce LaBruce to pop into my head, too. May I think about him later tonight?

Posted by: Scott Chaffin on February 16, 2003 8:13 PM

Michael S,
Have you tried leaving a trail of chocolates leading to the bedroom? ;-)

Posted by: Lynn S on February 16, 2003 10:54 PM

I am a 24 year old female with a ridiculously high sex drive. If I could have it my way I would have sex four times a day. My problem is my boyfriend's sex drive is much lower than mine. If he can't handle me now, what will happen when I reach my sexual peak?

Posted by: KM on May 7, 2003 3:57 AM






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